Ah, September. It’s now my favorite time of year. Hopefully we’re done with the 90s until next year, and we can enjoy a nice long fall before the snow comes.
Things have been pretty even keel in the St. Clair house for the last few months. Luke and I are just working a lot, and using our down time to relax and enjoy life. We headed to Pueblo a couple weeks ago for my cousin Stacie’s wedding. She and Mario have been engaged for 7 years (I think,) so it was nice to see them finally be done with school and starting their lives together. It was nice to see my family again. You forget how much you miss them in your life when you don’t see them all the time. The best news to come out of that trip: Mom and Dad are moving back to Pueblo! I’m SOOOO excited to have them closer, where I could really go visit every time there’s a cheap deal on weekend airfare. John and Rachel are considering a move to Ft. Collins, and Deanna will be heading to Pueblo after she’s done with the Peace Corps in two years. It might be time to think about moving to the other side of the Rockies as well… But maybe not.
Weight Watchers went out the window after our ten weeks was up. We really need to get back into it. But I think all of this comes down to just doing what you know you should be doing. It’s the hardest part of life: being able to tell yourself that you need to do something you don’t want to do. That, and staying away from the things that have bad consequences. It’s the biggest test of our humanity, to deny ourselves what feels good to live longer. But at what point do you sacrifice too much time and energy in that denial to the point where you’re not enjoying those precious years of life? I know I want to be healthy. I know that’s going to take a total reprogramming of my brain to see food as just fuel. Not a reward. Not an escape. Not a filler of something else my soul is missing. But I also know that making that decision to act means that I will have to think about food constantly, and not in a good way. Likely for the rest of my life. Which means I need to find something else to occupy my time and thoughts.
It’s so easy to say, “I’ll start geocaching more,” or “I’m going to exercise every day,” or “I will stay on my feet doing something from the time I’m off work until I go to bed.” The problem is follow through. That’s the biggest thing I’m trying to change right now. I feel like it’s time to start owning my adulthood and being responsible for myself and my actions. Yes, it’s nice to sit and watch the entire season 4 of “Mad Men” in one day. But that should be once in a while, not every weekend. Gone are the days when my time is my time, where I go from sitting at a desk all day to sitting on the couch all night. What kind of example am I setting for myself and for Luke? Is this how I want to be spending the short amount of time I have here? Of course not!
Another one of my big questions is my professional future. Do I want to be a producer for the next 30 years? Will I get too burned out by the negative stories, the constant stress? One idea I’ve been exploring for a while is starting my own photography business. One of my greatest fears has been “am I good enough? Will people like my photos or be disappointed?” It’s something I’m going to start testing the waters. After Mom and Dad announced their move, I started just browsing house listings for fun. I’m shocked at how many photos of listings are absolutely horrible. Bad lighting. Bad angles. Blurry. In this kind of housing market, good presentation is EVERYTHING! I’ve got a plan to start marketing to real estate agents, and I hope to put that plan into action in the next month or so. I want to make sure I have a functional website, price list, all the things you need for a good client interface. If things go well, then I’ll have something more to do, and hopefully some extra income, so we can hit Europe next fall.
I think that’s enough public soul searching for now I’m going to take a nice power stroll for a couple hours tonight around downtown Salt Lake. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I wish I’d brought my camera, but sometimes it’s nice to walk unencumbered. I need to get a camera backpack, that would help.
